Good day creatures of supreme beauty! How glorious of you to type all the way over here for a visit. I am much obliged. I have a number of monumental revelations to share so let’s permit no further delay!

First, a new word that needs to be added to the general vernacular. Gentlemen, have you ever been standing at a urinal when you came to a groundbreaking (re)appraisal of a particular scenario or item? This is henceforth to be known as an “epissphany”. Ladies, there is certainly no reason for which you cannot also experience such a phenomenon. I myself have simply never enjoyed from a sitting position. Please direct your biological complaints to your preferred deity. Thank you!

Who still uses the expression, “a broken clock is still right twice a day”? I’m certainly lame enough to enjoy the casual utterance. Sadly though, with our ever-increasing proliferation of digital forces, at this point a broken clock will never again be correct. That is a tough break for non-functioning clocks. Perhaps some sort of home, not dissimilar to the “Island Of Lost Toys”, could be made available for our senile time-pieces. I will reach out to my member of parliament.

It’s been some time since I was a particularly inclined towards going into a club or obnoxiously full bar of any kind. I seem to mellowing in my old age, I do turn 30 in a couple of days after all. To be perfectly honest, I’ve always felt most clubs were just an excuse for my heterosexual companions to get soused and rub up against random university girls. Not to hate on such a practice which is, to my understanding, outside of math anyway, a significant component of most undergraduate diplomas. Absent however any sexual angle it seems just to be a bunch of sweaty youth frolicking to poor music, swigging noxious, bottom shelf liquors and trying, not nearly hard enough, to avoid contracting Hepatitis. For some, it’s the only A they will receive throughout the entirety of their academic efforts. 🙂

“Can you pick me up”?, June 17, 2018

Hilarious watching attempts lascivious

When its recipient’s fully oblivious

Perhaps just pretending to cast off some weirdo

Lover thinks she/he’s close but not even near though

A primary problem picking up at the bar

You’ve no clue whatsoever who these gomers are

It has been a few years now since I’ve made the scene

The youngins now frequenting look like they still wean

To be honest I never could feel much relaxed

And those evenings always left me overtaxed.

To any youngins reading, nothing disparaging is intended by the above comments. You are not young, I am old. Granted, I’ve been old since the approximate age of 13 but I AM slowly catching up chronologically as the years go by.

Another day, another holler. Usually towards small children and squirrels when they show the audacity to step onto my lawn. Dirtying up my grass. Please excuse me, I need to go purchase ill-fitting pants and slippers which can be worn out and about. I will likely be some time as I am unable to drive within 20 kph of the posted speed limit. 🙂

Please enjoy a superlative afternoon!

-Alex Blaikie

Categories: poetry writing

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A broken mind held together by cellophane and some tack.