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Irate Platitudes to Pirate Latitudes

Pirate Latitudes is of course an unrelated novel by my writer-hero Michael Crichton. It’s topical to the poem as well as immeasurably pleasing to say out loud in combination with the remainder of the title. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Before beginning, a resigned homage to retaliatory tariffs kicking off tomorrow. The INSANELY predictable result of protectionist policies which ALWAYS end up costing everyone more money, on both sides of whichever border. All to score cheap political points off the backs of uneducated victims who don’t know any better. C’est la vie. Kind of like believing tax-cuts for billionaires is an effect poverty control mechanism. I digress…

Who remembers the South Park film? Bigger, Longer and Uncut? Besides Satan’s tempestuous love affair with Saddam Hussein a central plot was “Blame Canada”. It is an allusion hard not to connect to modern times, especially during the G “however many” summit. Whether due to our occasionally disingenuous leader or the thriving black market for stilettos… “Blame Canada, blame Canadaaaaa, they’re not a real country anyway!”. 🙂

“Balking the Yank”, June 29, 2018

Nothing improves overall attitude

Like focusing in on sum gratitude

Share joy and it’s definite you will find

It is just that returned to you in kind

If instead blindly chose to castigate

More than likely you’re a gross reprobate

Being an ass, a jerk or wily thief

Almost always returns nothing but grief

Only instance that I could admire it

Centuries old, Caribbean pirate.

Pirates, I mean privateers, the original barriers to international trade!

Quick housekeeping item, I’m strongly considering some relaxation (see: laziness) the next day or two. So saying, don’t be too surprised if there is a brief period of radio silence. I need to work on my tan. Currently I’m strutting at approximately the level of “Casper The Anemic (though still relatively friendly) Ghost”.

An exceptional weekend, long or otherwise, to you all! Dear American friends, please know I in no way hold you accountable for your moronic “democratic” capstone. That said, if you think he’s doing fine work we are not going to be friends. Just a quick question, if driving a car is a privilege and not a right, supposedly because it is dangerous and people can be hurt, how in the sweet fuck are assault rifles not similarly defined. I say “democratic” above because the special interests, gerrymandering, voter manipulation and barriers to minorities voting at all are just a few of the incredibly depressing reasons for which both of our nations are suffering. Canada is FAR from perfect, just look at how we treat our Indigenous populations for instance.

I do apologize. That paragraph wrote itself, it was intended merely to be a farewell. Let’s try again. Thanks so much for strolling through, hopefully I didn’t offend your world-view overly. If so, I apologize but perhaps your perspective was in need of some castigation. Great, now I’m the reprobate. Jokes on you, I always was.

Be the change, become the result!

-Alex Blaikie

Categories: poetry writing

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A fractured mind held together by cellophane and some used tack.

8 replies

  1. I am embarrassed by the state of our political system *sigh*. We are a joke to the entire world right now.

    Also, I just learned the word “castigate” on my GRE vocabulary app yesterday. Thanks for using it properly in a sentence ;).

    Liked by 1 person

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