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“Sweaty, Belligerent, but Optimistic”

I know right? It’s like, WTF does this lazy doucher have going on that’s so important he can’t even spare a few minutes to publish these meaningless and wholly mediocre articles? The stunning and insanely mesmerizing answer? Meh, not that much. I started a new job and have been ghost writing those articles but mostly just wasn’t feeling it. I have several unpublished works gathering digital dust in my phone, granted I don’t like any of them but that’s less relevant than you might think.

Commentary-wise everything can be far too easily summed up by, “We are sinking and most of the crew are determinedly fighting to convince the passengers that everything is totally cool, meanwhile the vessel’s half-submerged and nearly no one’s even trying to bail water.” That applies to approximately 764 issues about which I feel passionately. I have been temporarily beaten down by the tide of populism and prevalence of abject stupidity. No doubt to rise back up, like that children’s clown-balloon toy thing, knowing nothing else.

I wrote this a few months ago following a “date experience”. Not the $2000 ones Charlie Sheen pays (paid?) for, just that going to a restaurant for a meal and/ or a movie or something has never been my idea of “a date”. I mean, technically the event is occurring on a day and is thereby definitionally a date already. Problem solved.


How quickly your heart does palpitate

As vainly struggle to respirate

Visualize so to actuate

Words less likely to alienate

The planning ahead can’t calculate

Even for just standard boilerplate

Land awkward riposte to adulate

Has not appeared yet to agitate

Unlikely are they to abrogate

So forget yourself, don’t concentrate

Struggle to and at last acclimate

Me on just about every date.

I was happy to discover that wasn’t much the case anymore. Only took about ten, fifteen years of faking the ol’ confident swagger before now wielding it in reality. I wouldn’t actually sum up “my game” by the phrase confident swagger but it sounds good, right? More accurate would perhaps be, “sweaty, belligerent, yet optimistic”. Likes long horseback rides on the beach. Does not care for horses. Or sand. Please, no need to rush, an orderly cue is a happy cue.

It has been delectably fine to make your pseudo-acquaintances once more! May all your bitter vegetables be drizzled in caramel! Unless you’re doing a low carb thing, in which case may your vegetables be drizzled in EVEN MORE vegetables! Don’t give me that look, you knew what you were signing up for!

Happy Trails and Wagging Tails to all! Especially the 2-5 people I may have pissed off at work today. That is with a sampling error of (+ /-), 1 potentially pissed off person(s).

-Alex Blaikie

Categories: writing


A fractured mind held together by cellophane and some used tack.

4 replies

  1. I’m so sorry, but I was so overcome with admiration at your alliterative phrase, “gathering digital dust,” that I simply couldn’t concentrate on the rest of your post. Sigh. Maybe I’ll come back to it after you smoosh over everything with a digital feather-duster. I don’t know.

    Liked by 2 people

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