Good evening! [Please say that in your head as a 20’s European cinema vampyre. Thank you.]

I stumbled across an obvious epiphany just now which is- I needn’t write a big ol’ fancy article every time I publish here. No English teacher is going to appear and admonish me over the length of my composition. A few casual thoughts, perhaps on a windy Friday evening, are quite in order.

Did you know Mexicans and Central Americans carry diseases? Don’t worry if you didn’t, it is of course wildly apocryphal. Somehow it escaped my radar that this is being used as partial justification for some wall I heard about. Bold strategy Cotton. Seems like something that would have been said the 50’s or something. Those Mexicans with their diseases! I would suggest vaccines but…

Can someone please explain to me how a vaccine given after birth can cause prenatal conditions. Any real science aside can we not all get together on time being linear? Please? I need this.

And finally, way to go Ontario! We embarrassed the country internationally and it had nothing to do with anyone named Ford! Refreshing isn’t it? Who in the fuck calls 911 because the Amber Alert sent out to cell phones was in the late evening? Don’t like your phone going off at night? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! For instance, to one gentleman complaining earlier, I suggested that he was welcome to consider turning it off, keeping the phone in another room, or perhaps shoving it into whatever bodily orifice he found most appropriate. Personally I favor doorway number 3, the choice, not the orifice.

Next time we can talk about the Monty Hall puzzle and the ephemeral joy of remedial mathematics. I can tell you’re excited. I for one am harder than a Calculus midterm. Third year.

Everyone be super nice to everyone else for however long you can starting now! Goddammit Charles! Ok… starting… NOW!

-Alexander Blaikie

Categories: writing

Tagged as: author funny original writing

dreadpoetssobriety

A fractured mind held together by cellophane and some used tack.