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The Brat Lame Smack, TVND

Thought he was a goner…

Good morrow, faithful pilgrims, it of course and as always an immense pleasure! I hope everyone is enjoying a relatively fruitful day thus far, mine certainly has been, I ate a clementine.

Some unusual pieces today, indirectly concentrated around a similar theme so it seemed appropriate to make it a double. We shall go chronologically…

“Pain in the Buttress”, July 7, 2019.

Indulgence sought may chaos bring

From flawless soar to crippled wing

If overestimate your thrall

Likely to lose companion haul

Insecurity is to blame

Gusting winds at unsheltered flame

Courage can build up crude shelter

But the summer heat will swelter

Air condition and winterize

Let architecture catalyze

Reinforce all the struts and beams

So to achieve your wildest dreams

So I fucked up a potential date last year by misinterpreting telephonic silence as disinterest, rudeness, and about 37 other obviously vindictive motives when it was, as usual, nothing to do with me whatsoever. It did, however, teach me a valuable lesson that has been used to my benefit numerous times since. I’m now working on an extension to the property. Perhaps even a water feature.

This next one comes off as more of a Dr. Seuss book and I wish I could draw because the illustrations would be hilarious. Just pretend there’s a question mark everywhere, looked ludicrous when all there.

“Scaredy-Brat”, July 26, 2020.

What do you currently fear

Early death or spiders near

Being by yourself alone

Misplacing expensive phone

Losing someone that you love

Debris falling from above

Plummeting down sewer grate

Getting to your new job late

Harming someone by mistake

Stomping on an unseen rake

Car crash or perhaps snake bite

Deep water or perceived sleight

Tumbling out of a canoe

Getting feces on your shoe

Enclosed spaces if you’re stuck

Being flattened by a truck

Stepping on your puppies tail

Getting huge exam back fail

Honesty being required

Leaving the workforce retired

To death mauling by a bear

Hearing voices which aren’t there

Social scenarios large

Jailed under awkward charge

Asking out amazing crush

Becoming a wanton lush

Large or small can’t bend to fear

Lest it hovers ever near

(Pay heed though to warnings wise

To unmask bitch terror’s guise).

I’d like to believe I had been drinking that evening but don’t actually think such was the case. It’s fun at least, I suppose. And who isn’t afraid of accidentally stepping on a rake in the grass? Those things can be poisonous.

Be well, you delectable vixens and stud bulls! Obviously, should you prefer an alternate honorific please substitute at will. Personally, I’m rather partial to steely jaguar but alas.

-Alex Blaikie

Categories: poetry writing

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A fractured mind held together by cellophane and some used tack.

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