Threetings two one and all! Good morning, howdy, what’s good? You have been thusly threeted.
We have a topic of the grandest importance to discuss prior to poem this morning… British ways of saying things that are vastly superior to our humble “across the pond” alternatives.
Identity Parade. Who the hell wants to be in a police lineup? An identity parade? Sign me up! The only question would be, which of my numerous identities should I avail myself of. One supposes such a determination could be formulated on a case by case base.
Canine Assault Course. Agility training is clearly for pussies. I don’t know how the dogs are going to adroitly handle firearms in the absence of opposable digits, but I’m sure the military has been working on the problem for decades.
Santa’s Grotto. My personal favourite, evokes truly delectable imagery dripping in superfluous moisture. The Claus’s decked out in red velvet and white satin trim bathing attire. Drunken reindeer cavorting lasciviously. Interestingly, the female elves all favour burkinis. Not only are they functionally superior, it’s also still the North Pole and hella chilly. Legend has it that the only thing strong enough to cut a diamond is another diamond, that or the indestructibly petrified Eleven nipple. Unfortunately, this never made it out of the first draft of Lord of the Rings.
Alright, let’s move on, here’s some more letters arranged arbitrarily. Mostly consonants but I threw in some vowels too. For the kids.
————————————————————————————————————————————————-
“Roast”, Feb. 23, 2021.
Myriad vehement spasm
Nadir of bottomless chasm
Like ocean’s depths and black hole sun
Light’s penetration’s good as none
Ubiquitously occupied
Our endlessly glorified
Infinite peaks or jagged pit
Rotating universal spit.
————————————————————————————————————————————————-One supposes that every point of a bottomless chasm both is and is not its nadir? Or never is? Schrodinger’s nadir? Presumably that’s his grave, or maybe he suffered a midlife crisis? No matter, you can always write your own poem if it annoys. You try scribbling with motion sickness and an apple in your mouth. 🙂
That’s enough ramblin’ for this man. For today anyway, I look forward to making your acquaintance, and maybe even day, sometime soon.
Happy Trails and Waggy Tales, fellow pilgrims,
Alex Blaikie

Categories: comedy new original poetry writing
dReadpoetssobriety
A fractured mind held together by cellophane and some used tack.
Thanks, Alex, for 360 No-scope. First read, shall return.
-David M Lee
LikeLiked by 1 person
You will be welcome. Much obliged, friend.
LikeLike
Dear fellow Pilgrim, where in the world do you come across terms like Santa’s Grotto?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reading a few books by British writers at the moment
LikeLike
Canine Assault Course sounds so much more badass…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Right?! Thanks for stopping by!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fascinating narrative.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you very much!
LikeLike
Before I read it, I didn’t know this was the bit of humour I needed on my tired and tumultuous Friday. Thank you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is an honour, may the fates further lessen your tumult!
LikeLiked by 1 person