Good morning, happy penguins and dour penguouts! Have I got a treat for us today. An admission, a song, words that aren’t words, let’s do this!

First the admission, despite the blog’s titular inspiration, the sobriety factor had always been in reference to my former legitimate junkie ways, while ever maintaining my final crutch of cannabis and the occasional wobbly pop. However, recently having surpassed 12 years opiate free, the time has at last arrived to let loose my “logs of chore” and live life to it’s ultimate fullness. And that is that.

I had a great deal of fun writing this rework of a vastly superior BNL song. By the way, mad props to them for crafting this in the first place. Simply attempting to mirror the scheme and get the meter anywhere close to accurate took far more effort than I had envisioned. Then again, what good ever came easily. Even I’m not touching that one. So without further adieu…

Adieu!

Ha, got ya, sucker.

“One Weed”, June 2021.

It’s been one week since I smoked the weed

Looked myself in the mirror and said you’re crazy 

Puking every morning see 

So let’s attempt what it is like living free 

Chilling in my living room 

Cravings likely won’t desist too soon 

Yesterday I was feeling worse 

But today’s a bit better of course.

–

Toke it now and watch the smoke thick, 

Come on it looks sick,

Like your playing with super powers 

I summon bud, as my cud, although it’s streaming through the blood it makes a flood, before you’re sinking like a stone, man 

High blood pressure like your much aged

This circus self -staged 

Because I’m all about value 

Fat bongs have got the big hits, sobriety blitz, it tries to chain me but hey fuck you

Blunts and shunts with sickly cunts and battling on different fronts,

I liked elite cause it’s the finest of the flavours 

Clearing up your jaded mind, try just being much more kind, cause you’re so assured to find, the world is sweet and you can become your own saviour. 

–

How could I help it if my brain was formed all junkie like 

Current age to back to when was riding on a trike 

I’m the kinda dude who just eschewed sobriety 

Trying hard to tamp down all that dubiety 

I have a tendency to always self sabotage 

And a history of fucking things all up 

–

It’s been one week since I smoked the weed

Looked myself in the mirror and said you’re crazy 

Puking every morning see 

So let’s attempt what it is like living free 

Chillin in my living room 

Cravings likely won’t desist too soon 

Yesterday I was feeling worse 

But today’s a bit better of course.

There’s no specific date because I wrote it off an on over the course of the month. I never considered attempting the second verse, again, sincere adulation and credit to BNL, you guys are intensely skilled.

For the curious, I have indeed been wholly successful in abstaining since the decision was made, but please never let a slip demotivate you from your own ambitions. Very little great is accomplished on a first try. Rugby excluded, naturally.

I kept the, “because I’m all about value”, line to make it a true homage. Thanks again BNL, as a gay man you’re my favourite ladies in any state of undress. And the least awkward, to boot. Wait, there’s boots?

Blessing to all, may your every mountain be remade as gentle dunes.

Happy Trails and Waggy Tales!

-Alex Blaikie

Categories: comedy new poetry writing

Tagged as: author funny original poetry writing

dReadpoetssobriety

A fractured mind held together by cellophane and some used tack.