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The Lost Boys

Good morning and a blessed day to each and every one of you! Not reading past here? Too bad, I already wished you happiness and there’s no retreating from that. So there, be happy, if absent. There’s no perfect attendance prize here, nor should there be anywhere.

Quick question, mostly to energetic dog owners and other frequenters of outdoor marching sojourns. Who else has been forced over the years to practice, if not define, “defensive walking”, because the ignorant and/or oblivious drivers of your area have completely lost touch with base concepts such as stopping at stop signs and using their turn signals, among other various “minor” transgressions?

Myself I’m getting awfully tired of individuals holding themselves and whatever their priorities are as more important than the safety of our fellow earthly denizens. Especially given I live in a neighborhood with more kids than a barrel of monkeys. Not that the B.O.M. has kids, hopefully anyway, seems harsh to stuff children in a barrel, just that they’re piled high and in a relatively contained area. It’s selfish, dangerous, and frankly, indefensible. Plus illegal, did I mention that one? I can only pray when the inevitable collisions occur, no one is hurt. Defensive walking in probably a fairly new concept, especially since I only articulated it recently, and am describing publicly here for the first time.

Personally, with my various physical deficiencies, I’m often sporting more braces than the client list of a popular orthodontist, so jumping out of the way of your incompetence can be more painful than perhaps it appears. Hence D.W.’s importance in the first place. Although my aardvark pal Arthur may disagree. Inane ranting aside, can we please all just follow the rules of the road, especially in subdivisions stacked with the young and elderly who are obviously of especial vulnerability. Just one more opportunity for us all to be better, and an easy one at that!

Ok, let’s finally move on to the reason nobody is here, the poetry. Still very much in need of a “deadpan” emoji.

It’s honestly impressive how many times I rewrote this in such a short period of time. I almost like it now so let’s do this. By the way, I’ve been particularly grateful for all the comments and reader engagement of late. I sincerely love hearing from you, and your responses are often witty and thought-provoking. Thank you so much, as always, and enjoy!

“A-Lad-In the World”, July 4, 2021.

Beyond this gaping chasm lies

A changeling treasure’s earthly guise

Like cave of wonders only one

Is beckoned through, their fortune won

This so called diamond in rough

Unparalleled sparkle to slough

Tragedy of these perfect bands

Less substantial than drifting sands

Little flawless endures intact

Light shone through crystal must refract 

The shine of an unblemished mass

Often’s fashioned of brittle glass

While appearing indelible

Veracity’s untellable.

Obviously there are some rather on the nose Disney references there, so hopefully no lawsuits are forthcoming, but I often enjoyed their material as a youngster. Still do, in fact. I haven’t been able to watch new Mulan because of it’s complicated political associations, but old Mulan is one of my all time favourites.

Naturally, I could never discuss that earlier in life given I was so deep in the closet damned Narnia was audibly beckoning, fuck off Tumnus, I don’t like tea! Plus, anything I perceived as being even remotely gay was therefore to be shunned. Another Disney reference above, their lawyers must just be salivating now. Well jokes on you, no blood from a stone and no cash from a comedy poet. We’ve neither of us a surplus. In fact, the stone may possess more blood than I income. 🙂 No matter, not when you’re doing what you love!

Love aside, I’m super hungry, maybe should have accepted that invitation for tea after all, damned dual meanings, Narnia seemed acutely British so maybe he just meant snacks and such. Sorry Tumnus, no excuse for rudeness, even from lost boys, separated from their senses and worse from themselves. And by lost boys, I mean Kiefer not Peter, (three references is just begging for litigation). Though sometimes I wish my own shadow-self would depart for a time. Then again, I’m still but a Jung man. That may be the worst joke in this entire post, you be the judge!

Thank you again, dear friends. You will always be welcome here and I so hope you can be welcome within yourselves as well. Until then and ever after, you have my love. How can I love you without knowing or having met you? Why the hell not? Plenty of people hate me just fine given an identical lack of insight.

Happy Trails and Waggy Tales,

Alex Blaikie

Categories: author comedy poetry

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A fractured mind held together by cellophane and some used tack.

3 replies

    1. Haha I’m just glad it wasn’t an already existing concept. That’s the worst when you have an “original” idea only to discover someone else thought of it years ago. I’m still upset about a decade ago by “quid pro ho”, trading sexual services for some sort of other favour, having already been created. I mean, I guess it’s the world’s oldest profession, but did it have to be the oldest junk pun as well? Tbf it doesn’t play so well today anyway, comes across too misogynistic, though fuckboys are certainly an option, but it still felt clever at the time. Thanks so much for reading and commenting, Winter! If I had a defensive walking stick I’m sure the dog would just turn it into a regular stick❤️


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