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A Groan of Salt

Good day, koalas and koalos! We’ve a slightly different show “prepared” for y’all today. I’ve been mulling for some time now a move somewhat away from being a hard poetry site to something focusing more on comedy. Not that we won’t still have poems, especially the aroused ones(?), otherwise I’d have to change the name and that seems like like a lot of work. But I’ve always found it far more satisfying to make someone laugh than think, and even then, know for a fact the two are not mutually exclusive. Not to mention, the market for humour far exceeds that of rhyming, at least since the turn of the 17th century. So you might say I’m selling out, though that would technically imply money was in some way involved so am I selling in? Aren’t selling out and cashing in the same thing? Alas, for the sake of logic let’ pretend I’m fucking rolling in capital gains. Like Scrooge McDuck on MDMA. I’m surprised McDonalds hasn’t yet had McDuck on offer, probably little profit margin, or a touch macabre. I can sympathize.

Anyway, so the plan is to write almost every day, but with zero plan going in. I literally have no idea where this is going, that’s how I always wrote the jokes anyway, just the poem would give me a jumping off point I’ll now have to determine manually space by space. Incidentally, “fans” are upset that they lopped off Lola Bunny’s tits in the new Space Jam film. Is the “sexiness” of an anthropomorphic rabbit really the worst thing about this movie? I seriously doubt it but y’all could use some perspective methinks. Maybe she had a double mastectomy, did you think of that? Now you’re mocking a cancer survivor and are not only vaguely perverted but offside as well. And that’s the whistle. Besides since when do breasts determine sexiness anyway, granted as a gay man perhaps Im not “entitied” to this Ted Talk, but I understand women to have other delightful features as well. Some make delicious sandwiches, for instance. Sorry ladies, I only lash out from jealousy, you get all the hot guys. 🙂

Taking something with a grain of salt. What a backwards expression. We all know what it means but the origin apparently is that something is more easily swallowable, (should totally be a word), with a pinch, grain, whatever small quantity of salt. Isn’t that the opposite of the phrase’s intention? Maybe this is how we ended up with our current Idiocracy? After all, there is far too much sodium in the average diet. Stupid idiom, definitely got the “idio” part right, I guess. A spoonful of sugar may give you diabetes but at least that one makes a lick of sense.

Well that’s all for this first experiment. It seems crafting funnies on the fly is somewhat arduous. Maybe I’ll pull an SNL or Daily Show and just troll the news for fresh ideas. Life intimating art? [my version is totally better] Art intimidating life? Life will find a way? Chaos theory indeed. What iteration are we on?

Thanks again for visiting, hope I was able to roust at least a slight chuckle or perhaps even a borderline hearty guffaw from a minimum of one of you fine peoples.

Be blessed, dear friends. Figuratively for me and my ilk, and literally for any who would prefer the more clerical slant.

Happy Trails and Waggy Tales!

-Alex Blaikie (He/Him/His/It)

Categories: author comedy original

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A fractured mind held together by cellophane and some used tack.

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