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Hello there, I do hope you’re well! Well-fed, well-cared for, well in body, mind and spirit. Well endowed? If it’s your thing, I guess. One supposes it would have to be. That took a turn, one day I’ll stop improvising these introductions, I swear. Fucking hell. See?

I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss this forum terribly, Hence the Saturday postage. Have to squeeze these things in whenever I can these days. I erased the second phallic joke so you’re welcome for that. I’m sure it’ll come up again. If not, I believe there are medications available.

I’ll spare you further profane banalities, (for now), and move into the more topical. Like an ointment. That should clear up in 7-10 days, sir. Business, of course.

We have an older piece today, been in my file for the better part of a year. Rewritten at least 3 times, stripped down to bare bones and recast anew. Purging fire, but only during urination.

“TeamShirk”, November 18, 2021. 

The sum of all parts 

No trivial whole 

But more often starts 

Sickly fractious dole

Brawling together 

Or toiling alone 

Birds of a feather 

Still never atone 

But if we could tame 

Refractory troupe 

Restrengthen the lame  

And hamstrung of group 

Single partitions 

So rarely achieve 

Golden ambitions 

In which I believe. 

Still not entirely sure of the first few lines but the back half of the course plays incredibly well in my humble opinion. The title was amusing, at least 5 variations sat atop the piece at one time or another. TeamQuirk, TeamBerk, TeamJerk… The last was first but was necessarily altered so as not to be confused with my internet search history.

Spent all week masquerading as professional, now this perverted confessional, and while vaguely regressional, and intimately obsessional, never defined direction’s progressional. What’s grammar?

That’s all for now, if you made it this far, bravo, I applaud your fortitude for-shit-rude. *Clap* The verb, not the noun. You should probably still get tested though.

Happy Trails and Waggy Tales, dear friends,

-Alex Blaikie

Categories: author comedy funny new original poem poetry writing

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A fractured mind held together by cellophane and some used tack.

11 replies

  1. When will you offer courses or study groups to analyze your poetry? Or perhaps it will be taught in high schools in the 22nd century, like Shakespeare

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha, thanks pop! I’d say you were even more deluded than myself but it’s difficult to predict such things. I would causally opine that if I die penniless in a gutter somewhere but my work lives on, feelings would be mixed in regard to such an outcome. I suppose we have to revisit that phrase now that the penny has been eliminated. Dying penniless is now a near-guarantee for anyone… Just like the “even a broken clock is right twice a day” we’ve moved on. Clocks are digital and pennies abolished. And “nickleless” just doesn’t have the correct feel. Unless it’s preceded by Saint and it happens to be December, or we’re discussing a simpler time in the PGA. Alas!


  2. This morning at work one of my colleagues broke out in uncontrollable laughter at something that probably was not as funny as that. But it was brilliant. A good dose of laughter helps out no end, especially on days when banality feels like it could creep in and rob the joy away from some moments that merit it more than a little bit.

    Thank you for your introductions, and the middle bits, and the endings – whether they be happy or otherwise is in the eye of the (be)holder isn’t it?

    Happy New Year to you! And I hope you continue to make time for the joy of writing and sharing in the joy your writings being others! Thank you once again! 😁

    Liked by 1 person

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